By Cathy Breen
Voices in the Wilderness
Baghdad

Three day ago four of us from Voices in the Wilderness were met in Amman, Jordan and driven into Baghdad by our dear friend Sattar. After crossing the impressive expansive desert and not too far from the city of Baghdad, we left the main highway to go through Ramadi, as this particular stretch of highway is known for robberies and Sattar wanted to avoid it. It was midday and the sun was hot. We saw people laying bricks, unarmed traffic police in white shirts and blue pants directing traffic, a garbage truck, and small fields here and there newly plowed. People were out and about and small shops and market stalls were opened. I felt heartened at these signs that life is returning to normal. I found out later that many military officers live in this area and they had agreed before the conflict not to fight the coalition forces.

It is midday today as I write this in an Internet cafe. This morning Kathy Kelly and I sadly missed an appointment with a dear friend, Ra’ad (who watched the stars between bombs!) whom we’ve not yet seen. We were very delayed due to traffic jams, in great part due to coalition forces closing down a main street in front of another hotel they have taken residence in. A half-hour later we stopped to greet people in the Al Fanar hotel and we heard that 4 people had just been shot and killed in a nearby money exchange place–an unsuspecting onlooker and three men who worked there. How tragic! Yesterday Sattar told us that in his neighborhood 10 people were killed in their house. No, life is far from normal here in Baghdad.

Kathy, Ed, John and myself were warmly received by Ramzi, Caoihme, Michael and Eva who have been the key figures in the apartment that Voices has rented since May. It is an expansive building, the downstairs presently housing a budding newspaper recently started by young people with Ramsi’s encouragement and help. Caoihme and Eva have been working alot with the committee for families of the bereaved. Michael as well has his hands in many things. He was in the U.N. during the bombing, and last night as we sat together I listened to his account of this horror. The house is a constant bustle of activity with young folks, neighborhood children and visiters, not to mention people staying in the house as guests.

I am learning alot of new things. After an initial stifling night trying to sleep inside, not even a fan to give reprieve from the heat, I moved outside to the roof for the last two nights to join others, sleeping on a foam pad and gratefully absorbing the cool night breeze. Sounds of gunfire going off during the night pierced the otherwise silent streets as the curfew is rigorously enforced between 11:00pm and 4:00am. Dark helicopters fly overhead like warrior bees patroling and announcing their presence. In the early morning hours as Kathy and I sat in the kitchen talking over coffee, our conversation was broken into more than once by the deafening sound of heavy tanks going through the streets. Like our Iraqi friends we are concerned about security, and are trying to be careful to be inside after 8:00pm at night, to walk only on streets that are crowded with people during the day, and always in “twos.”

As I myself am registering and sorting through so many initial impressions, just getting my feet wet back in Baghdad after 4 months absence, I can only try and relate some of what I have been experiencing and hearing. Our days have been full and we have been able to see many friends. I have already been able to visit with my 3 “Amal” friends, of whom I shared so much with and wrote so frequently about in the past. They are all as well as can be expected. It is a joy to see them again. Many of our friends have lost weight and are markedly changed in their appearance. Both Kathy and I were particularly shaken at the sight of a good friend whom I can only describe as “shrunken”– bent and much older than his 41 years. It makes me realize anew how exhausted they already were from the long years under Sadaam, sanctions and bombing as they went into the occupation of their beloved country.

People are very worried about their safety, about the lack of electicity and jobs. They feel that they have a long road ahead of them with respect to U.S. occupation. I would like to share something of their observations and feelings.

One older Iraqi man said: “There has been a change in attitude toward the soldiers. Grim. People are cold and harsh with them. The honeymoon is over.” In his neighborhood the soldiers are using a police station as a base. “They are living in miserable conditions. They don’t talk with or do anything for the locals. They are not going to restaurants, are prohibited from buying food from the local market, and have no access to telephones. No access to information either here or abroad. They are becoming edgy. Two days ago (Iraqis) innocently threw a coke bottle out of the windown of their car. Four people were killed. We hear gunfire every night and explosions. These are not reported on TV. Americans are doing nothing about the shooting.”

Yesterday a 31 year old friend who has a wife and 2 year old daughter shared with us: “For the first time I am thinking of leaving the country. All of my friends are on the outside.” His greatest fear is for his little daughter. “I hear of kidnappings. I don’t let my wife go out walking.” He feels they should have had the curfew from the beginning. “Things were bad unders Sadaam. I saw no future.” He went on to describe how bad the education was unless the family father belonged to the Baath party, and his father didn’t. What chance was there for his own children to advance? “When the war started for the first time I had hope, but now?” When I asked him what he hoped for he replied, “We want peace. Democracy. Industrialization.” He spoke of his 82 year old father who is very depressed. “When he heard about the destruction of the national museum, he just wept and wept.”

Another friend asked me just this morning warmly but sternly at the same time “What are you (in collective sense) doing here if you are not helping with security, with electricity or bringing some relief!” Another commented “American people are misled. Someone should open their eyes. In the U.S., people don’t know what the rest of the world is.”

One of the “Amals” said yesterday “Americans don’t know people. They’re antagonizing them. They put them (Iraqi men) on the floor, handcuff them. All of this in front of their families. I am sad for humanity, not only for Iraq.” Another friend who works in one of the hotels I lived in said “The problem is security. My sister can’t walk across the street. When I asked him how the soldiers were acting he replied “Good. They give us food each week, milk, apples, meat.” Others people we’ve talked with have had only bad expereinces with the soldiers saying they are rude and trigger happy.

I will close now assuring you that we are alright, although we are well aware of how precarious the situation is here. It is definitely a new time in Iraq. There is an openness to talk and meet that there wasn’t before. However noone believes that freedom has come. Some have told us that it was better under Sadaam. The strain everyone is under shows on the faces of everyone we pass. People’s expressions are grim and serious now, often fixed straight ahead as I walk by them. But more often than not, they soften immediately when I greet them with “Peace be with you.” And the greeting is returned with a smile.

I will try and write soon again. You are all with us here. much love cathy