By Cathy Breen
Voices in the Wilderness
Baghdad

My fifth day back in Baghdad. So much is happening here. Reconnecting with so many friends and hearing their stories, the constant flow of people coming and going and all of the visits and first impressions make it a real challenge to try and carve out a space here to digest and reflect. Some of us were “just sitting around the kitchen table” in the early morning hours yesterday, when Michael Birmingham shared some thoughts that became for me and others a truly deep reflection.

Is it important for Voices to be in Iraq at this time, and if so why and in what capacity? was the topic of discussion. Is it important enough to risk one’s life for?

Michael was beaten up on the street since his return to Iraq after the occupation. He said that afterwards he was “absolutely petrified going out on the street.” He knew it was perfectly right to be scared, to feel fear, and he said “You do learn to live with it. Is our fear of dying so bad that it makes this (being here) not worth doing?”

He feels that one of the big hopes for Iraq is that the people here will organize the fight for justice-not with weapons–to rebuild their society. His fear is that their attempts to do so will be crushed by the U.S. He sees the presence of Voices, together with other international groups, as important to stand in solidarity with them witnessing what is happening. “Everybody feels they are in danger” he said “the fear and violence is unremitting. Everyday people talk about car-jackings at gunpoint, women afraid to go out of the house, etc. We [Voices} are not staying in the house. I’ve seen someone murdered on the street….I am glad to be alive when I come home at night.”

Michael was in the U.N. compound last week when the bombing occurred killing 23 and wounding another 160. He was terribly shaken by what he saw, and was among those who scrambled frantically to try and help or get help for the victims. He was able to accompany an Iraqi woman to the hospital, and though seemingly unresponsive he was able to address her by name (as she had an ID badge) speaking reassuring words in Arabic to her. A couple of days ago while visiting with other friends who worked at the U.N., he heard this woman’s name mentioned as one of the dead.

Disheartened he says, “The situation is like a fire out of control. The U.N. bombing won’t make any difference to what is happening here. It is already forgotten.” The U.N. is due to pull out its main programs in November, and there is no plan as to what will happen. Who will provide food rations? “The U.S. has never had such control. The economic sanctions enforced by the U.S. for so many years have made the people here incredibly dependent and centralized. Now Bremer is pushing for decentralization and for privatization- taking Iraq in the opposite direction. “We have a responsibility to assist Iraq in gaining empowerment and dealing with these issues. If you’re not here on the ground, there’s so much you can’t see.” he says. “Our witnessing the violence will make it harder for them to be crushed. To create linkages between them and the outside world is absolutely vital in their struggle for justice.

At the moment Iraq is pretty powerless and vulnerable. The people are showing incredible courage if they try and come out into this violence. We need to be with them. We must NOT be driven out by violence. If they are crushed, it is not to be done in silence!” What weighty words–foreboding and yet redemptive at the same time.

How then to break the silence, to speak to the truth? We spoke of the need to develop genuine grass roots linkages, continue expanding the communications network that Voices has created over years. To develop trust is slow work we agreed because of the chaotic and dangerous situation. “People are still trying to feel their way, thinking about going or staying to build their country” said Michael.

I recall a conversation the other night, also around the kitchen table, that I had with 16 year old Majid, one of the editors of the newly aspiring newspaper housed downstairs. He said that he’d been talking with barbers and taxi drivers, part of the structure he believes that builds Iraq. “They are confused. They’ve had enough. They just want to get on with their lives. They make me confused…Pax Americana, he said with mild sarcasm, is going to bring us food and McDonalds. And we are just going to sleep, OR go to the other extreme. The situation is getting worse. We have an expression, “When the mule falls down many butchers come to cut it apart.”

I have much more to tell you but it will have to wait. I had occasion to visit the “great palace” yesterday-formally Sadaam’s headquarters but now housing Bremer and the CPA (Coalition Provisional Authority). As I finish this letter there is the thunderous and deafening sound of U.S. tanks rushing through the streets outside to remind me where I am. You are all with me here.